


The Sun Within His Heart

by euphoricdaydreams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Sakusa is insecure, past relationship trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29641164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoricdaydreams/pseuds/euphoricdaydreams
Summary: Atsumu is the sun. Fiery and bright and warm to everyone around him. Kiyoomi wants to get closer. He wants to feel that heat scorch the cold that lives inside him. But he's afraid and he doesn't think he deserves it.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 71





	The Sun Within His Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [atruedreamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/atruedreamer/gifts).



Atsumu is the sun. Fiery and bright and warm to everyone around him. Kiyoomi wants to get closer. He wants to feel that heat scorch the cold that lives inside him. 

Kiyoomi dares to dream of Atsumu’s brightness shining a light on the darkest parts of himself, but the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. The fear of rejection looms heavy. There’s no way Atsumu would love him. Not when no one else has. 

Not more than Hinata. A burning star in his own right. The two of them - flashes of orange and gold - illuminating the world around them. A light that can never be extinguished. 

Not more than Kita either. He was Atsumu’s first love, one built on respect and care. It may seem like mere idolization, but Kiyoomi sees the way Atsumu’s eyes still fill with adoration whenever Kita’s name is mentioned. 

Or even Suna. The smug beauty that Kiyoomi suspects Atsumu has a crush on. The two of them are always flirting. The back and forth banter feels too intimate, too uninhibited to interrupt. Words that entice each other into bigger and more outrageous antics. Kiyoomi doesn’t think he could be that wild if he tried. 

The three of them are all better options than himself. More deserving of the love Atsumu has to give. Kiyoomi would love to drown himself in that seemingly endless well of love, but he’s been conditioned to believe he doesn’t deserve it. Maybe he doesn’t deserve even the smallest drop. 

_“You always look bored when we’re together.”_

_“Sakusa you’re so cold. Are you sure that you love me?”_

_“I can never tell what you’re thinking and you don’t tell me. When you do, it doesn’t even make sense.”_

_“He makes me feel loved in a way you never could. And he always knows just what to say.”_

Kiyoomi never thought he was a cold person. He loved her gently, like the soft breeze on a spring day. All he wanted was to express that, but he struggles with words; with knowing what to say and when to say it. Her patience ran thin. Criticism cut deep, the blood creating an ocean of space between them. Winter hit, freezing the blood, his heart, his _love._ Her unwillingness to understand locked him away in this frozen wasteland. 

And Kiyoomi wants Atsumu to be happy. He wants him to feel overflowing with love. Whoever he ends up with, they would be able to give him everything. According to her, that could never be him.

With a bittersweet heart and a mouth full of words he knows he’ll probably regret, he turns to Atsumu. 

“Hey, Miya.” The smile on Atsumu’s face when he turns to face Kiyoomi almost makes him change his mind; makes him speak the words he really wants to say. _Almost_. His past still lingers too closely to the surface. Maybe one day he’ll learn not to fear the shadows that are inseparable from the sun. “Suna and your brother just got here. Do you want me to distract Osamu so you can have a minute alone with Suna?”

“Why would I want alone time with Suna?” His nose scrunches up, expression a mix of shock and confusion. 

It makes Kiyoomi doubt himself. _He does like Suna though, doesn’t he?_ The red blooming on Atsumu’s cheeks is all the confirmation Kiyoomi needs.

“I see the way you look at him. You want him, don’t you?” The words are a struggle to get out. He doesn’t think he would have said it had it not been for the two shots he downed right before this. His throat burns with the words, _“Me, I want you to want me. Not him.”_

Instead, he swallows them down and stands from the bar, moving toward the pair that just walked in. Kiyoomi doesn’t linger. He doesn’t want Atsumu to confirm what he knows. It will never be him. It wouldn’t be the first time falling for someone whose eyes stray to someone else. He doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t think he’s strong enough to hear it. 

“Osamu, come set up the dart game with me. Miya’s trying to say he’s better than you, and I don’t believe it.” 

Osamu laughs. “He wishes he was better than me.” 

They make their way to claim a table by the dart boards. Suna promises to follow after he grabs Atsumu and some drinks. 

Kiyoomi spends the evening regretting those words. With the alcohol running through his system, he knows he’s not doing a good job of suppressing his emotions. The mask on his face may hide his expression, but he can’t quite quell the aggressiveness of his actions. Almost violent in his jealousy, he whips a dart after watching Atsumu smile one of his secret smiles at Suna. Atsumu’s bedroom eyes lighting up with mischievous intent.

He decides to leave. 

The decision is so abrupt, and he can see Atsumu’s eyebrows furrow with concern.

He grabs his jacket, barely murmuring goodbye before making his way to the entrance. Kiyoomi doesn’t look back. He misses Atsumu saying his own goodbyes before hastily following after him.

Outside the bar, the cold air begins to seep into Kiyoomi’s body, trying to reseal the fragile opening to his heart. The street is empty; the night quiet. He only realizes he’s not alone when a hand grips his arm and jolts him to a stop.

“Omi, what’s wrong? You left the bar so fast. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Miya. Go back inside. Go back to Suna.” He tries to make it sound indifferent, but he can hear the hitch in his own voice that gives the lie away. 

Atsumu steps in front of him, his other hand coming up to grip Kiyoomi's bicep, keeping a firm grip on both arms.. Maybe he knows how close Kiyoomi is to bolting.

“I don’t want to go back to Suna. I’d much rather be here with you, for you.” Atsumu watches him intently. He seems to be searching for something. A small grin lights up his features. It’s the only hint that Atsumu finds what he’s looking for. “Earlier, you told me you see the way I look at Suna. That I want him, but you’re wrong.”

Kiyoomi’s breath stutters to a stop.

“You know, Omi, I thought you were more perceptive than that.” 

Kiyoomi scoffs at that. Of course he’s perceptive. He has to be in order to play volleyball as well as he does. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever realized the way I look at you.” One of Atsumu’s hands trails down Kiyoomi’s arm. Fingers weave in between his own, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. The other moves up to grasp his cheek. The warmth washes away the cold until it’s only a memory. They’re light as a feather, but he feels like he’s pinned beneath a rock with the way Atsumu’s hands have him rooted to the spot. 

“I’ve never had feelings for Suna. Yeah, we may joke around and flirt, but it’s nothing serious. I think we enjoy trying to one up each other more than anything. Besides, I think he has a thing for ‘Samu.” Atsumu closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When they open, they’re filled with an emotion Kiyoomi doesn’t dare to hope for.

“Ever since I met you, it’s always been you.”

“I've never craved anything the way I crave your silent approval when I set to your liking. Or the way you like to argue with me but always have my back when it’s important. Also, let’s not forget how gorgeous you are, Omi. Your eyes are galaxies; I could spend forever getting lost in them. And your smile - in its rarity - always feels like a gift.” 

“It’s you. It’s always been you,” Atsumu repeats before leaning in. The brush of his lips is the only warning before Atsumu presses in deeper. Kiyoomi doesn’t quite know how to respond. So, he kisses back and tries to convey everything he doesn’t have the words to say into the movement of his lips. 

Atsumu understands. Maybe he always has.

The night is cold and dark, but it feels like a beam of golden light settles over them. Kiyoomi feels warmth bloom in his heart, spreading outward and thawing every place he thought was frozen forever. 

Is this what it’s like to be loved by the sun?

**Author's Note:**

> for ally, who inspired me to develop this into more than just a threadfic. 
> 
> thank you to aya and christina being amazing beta readers!!
> 
> come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ryuunosuvke)


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